according to Your love…

1 In you, Lord my God,
I put my trust.

2 I trust in you;
do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3 No one who hopes in you
will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.

4 Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.

5 Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

6 Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

7 Do not remember the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you, Lord, are good. (Psalm 25; of David- NIV)

God could easily remember all of our faults and sins. He doesn’t HAVE to forget them when we ask for forgiveness… He chooses to. He wants to see us according to His love. He chooses to look at us through a rose-colored glass that is afforded us by His grace. How unworthy we are of this allowance. How unrealistic it is to expect forgiveness like rubbing a genie’s lamp; poof- forgiven. Yet, He never fails to love us despite our unbelievable insignificance and disloyalty.

Oh God, according to Your love, remember me. Please… forget my stupidity. Set aside my cold-hearted humanness and staunch inconsistency. Remember me the way You love me. Remember me in the context of Your grace. I will praise You, always. Until the last breath is expelled from my body, and even in that gasp may my lips say, “Praise God.” You are always worthy of my time. You are always worth talking to. You are good to the last ounce of Your existence, and I don’t deserve Your love, but I’ll spend my life making sure everyone around me knows who You are and how amazing You’ve been to me. According to Your love, Lord, let me see others. Teach me to extend grace, especially when I don’t feel like doing it. Help me to see other people, even the worst of my enemies, through Your love and mercy. Lend me Your rose-colored glass so that I might treat others with the same love that You have afforded me. Kill my inner spite and destroy the bitter anger that would prohibit me from loving the way You love. Get rid of anything inside of me that doesn’t exemplify Your love. Let it be done for Your name’s sake. Amen.

Doormat.

It’s been a pretty bad few weeks. I’ve had bronchitis, I’m under a tremendous amount of stress at work, home and in my personal life and all the while doing church work at a church that I’m still getting to know with teenagers that I’m still getting to know. In the midst of all this I’ve been dealing with the stresses of trying to buy a house, stay in contact with the friends and people in my life that need my attention, maintain a relationship with my family and I haven’t missed a church service yet. And I refuse to miss one.

Because I’m a minister, and that’s what ministers do.

In reading Oswald’s blog this morning, he reminded me that as ministers of Christ’s gospel, we are called to be doormats. He said it like this:

 Paul’s idea of service was to pour his life out to the last drop for others. And whether he received praise or blame made no difference. As long as there was one human being who did not know Jesus, Paul felt a debt of service to that person until he did come to know Him. But the chief motivation behind Paul’s service was not love for others but love for his Lord. If our devotion is to the cause of humanity, we will be quickly defeated and broken-hearted, since we will often be confronted with a great deal of ingratitude from other people. But if we are motivated by our love for God, no amount of ingratitude will be able to hinder us from serving one another.

Woah. If I’m really being the servant that I think I’m supposed to be, then all of the bronchitis and personal life turmoil wouldn’t even cause a batted eye. I don’t serve the church for the sake of the church. I serve the church for the sake of my Lord and Savior. I’m not in this thing for the recognition of man, but for the love of my God. I don’t feel that I’m earning His love, paying alms to Him or attempting to draw His attention with my good actions. No, this service is not about me or about the church. The time I offer to my church is for the cause of Christ: lost and dying souls.

In fact, it’s actually my duty to become a doormat for others; poured out and exhausted. Until they can feed on Christ’s love themselves, I might be the only Christ-love they have or see. It’s my duty to serve diligently and without complaint. It’s my duty to respond gently when the cashier barks at me about using the credit card device correctly. It’s my duty to let someone cut me off in traffic and not honk obnoxiously or curse under my breath. It’s my duty to maintain the joy of the Lord in my life AT ALL TIMES.

Pastor Matt Morgan said it like this:

For every battle, there is a spoil, and the winner of the battle is entitled to taking home that spoil. If you walk around saying that you’ve got the victory, and then drag yourself around like you’re just barely getting by, I hate to break it to you, but someone else won your battle because they’ve obviously taken home the spoil. If you know you’ve got victory in Christ, then your whole person should reflect that joy, everyday, all day. Take your spoil. Act like you won something!

This is how it works. This is how it goes. It’s not about me, but it’s about Him.

Oh God, let my whole life be poured out for You. I don’t want to live a life that’s full of great and wonderful things. I want to be empty, poured out and exhausted for You. Use me. Teach me. Help me. Show me Your ways, and make clear my path. I want Your will, Lord. Not my own. I’m not as good as I need to be, at anything. I’m incapable and unworthy of being used by You, but I pray You will. My existence is to bring glory to Your name. My life has no reason, except to praise You. My living and breathing is meaningless, except for You being in me. Be my strength, and order my steps in Your Word. Don’t let me become distracted by other things, other desires. Keep my eyes fixed on You. Hold my hand and walk me through this. I don’t know what You want, but I know that I want to do whatever You want me to. Make clear what that is. Remove the film from my eyes so that I might see obviously what You have laid out as Your perfect will for my life. No matter what hurt comes along, no matter what trial comes my way, I will praise You. You are still Holy. You are still Mighty. I call you wonderful. Let me be a doormat. Let me be Your doormat. Amen. Amen.